Committed to Breastfeeding

Originally written on June 24, 2006...

I just returned home from spending my first entire night with my son in 8 weeks! The HSC Pediatric Center has a parent apartment reserved for families to "practice" being at home with their child. The reality of being the mother of a newborn hit me like a ton of bricks. The purpose of this overnight visit was to practice breastfeeding and caring for my son. I had to hook up his monitors, change diapers, hook up his tube feedings, the whole nine yards. Big UPs to the nurses! I have been up ALL NIGHT, literally. But awakening to his sweet cry was such a blessing. Because Ayinde is not able to go to breast for each feeding (premature babies tire easily at the breast), I had to determine which feedings would be skipped and which feedings require me to supplement him with my breastmilk and tube syringe. And, on top of all of that juggling, I still had to fit in pumping sessions to keep my supply up. Like Zion, Ayinde has a "Kung Fu Grip Latch," but his mouth is too small to take in all of my areola so sometimes he had fun gnawing on my nipple - ouch! But again, gazing down into those eyes made all the pain go away. At one point during the evening, I sat on the edge of the bed and cried. Ayinde is not strong enough to empty my breasts so sometimes after a nursing session, he will need to be "topped off" with breastmilk from a supplemental feeder. Eric and Zion were sleeping peacefully, and I was trying to figure out how to use the Medela SNS, which I believe is impossible to do alone. How in the heck do you tape the tube on your nipples without the milk dripping all over the place. When I tried to put Ayinde to breast, the tube kept sticking up his nose. So I just cried, put him back in the crib and hooked up his feeding syringe. I was tired and frustrated and so was he. Now I see how some moms say, "shoot I'm a formula baby and I'm okay." Heck, I'm a formula momma. But I know too much about breastfeeding's benefits to turn back now. I am affirming that he will be getting all of his nourishment from my breast. Please affirm that with me.